Therapy Thursday # 9: My Half The Story Takeover


Last week I did a special (Friday) edition of #TherapyThursday on the Half The Story Instagram. Here's the recap below if you missed it!  

TOPIC: DEAR MAN (Read more about this skill in the DBT Diary Card and Skills Coach app!) 

WHEN TO USE: If you and I share the same life story of never being able to ask literally anyone (including but not limited to a sidewalk dandelion) for what you need. 

HOW TO USE: Each letter in "DEAR MAN" stands for the following - D: Describe the situation at hand, E: Express how you feel about it, A: Ask for what you want, R: Reinforce the other person/people/sidewalk dandelions you're asking, M: be Mindful, A: Appear confident, N: be willing to Negotiate.

EXAMPLE: D: "Hey roommate, I noticed last night that all my super spicy artisan pickles are gone and since you're the only one that lives here, I have reason to believe you ate them since I did not." 

E: "I feel disappointed and hurt right now because I was really looking forward to enjoying those super spicy artisan pickles." 

A: "I would appreciate it if you would reimburse me the $20 I paid for those pickles so that I may buy another jar." 

R: "You've been a great roommate thus far and I don't think you're a bad person for doing this." 

M: [Be mindful. For example: is your roommate getting mean or trying to throw the convo off track? Are you doing the same?

A: [Appear confident. Are you unnecessarily apologizing? Are you leading the discussion with your emotion mind instead of your wise mind? A great way to avoid appearing less confident is to practice what you're going to say beforehand].

N: Your roommate might say,  "Dom, I'm sorry I ate your super spicy artisan pickles. I'm happy to pay you back for them but I can't do that until I get my paycheck on Friday. Is that cool?" Be open to accepting an option like this. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Anything that helps you ask for what you need is legit

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my 

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Dominique Haikel