Therapy Thursday # 9: My Half The Story Takeover

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Last week I did a special (Friday) edition of #TherapyThursday on the Half The Story Instagram. Here's the recap below if you missed it!  

TOPIC: DEAR MAN (Read more about this skill in the DBT Diary Card and Skills Coach app!) 

WHEN TO USE: If you and I share the same life story of never being able to ask literally anyone (including but not limited to a sidewalk dandelion) for what you need. 

HOW TO USE: Each letter in "DEAR MAN" stands for the following - D: Describe the situation at hand, E: Express how you feel about it, A: Ask for what you want, R: Reinforce the other person/people/sidewalk dandelions you're asking, M: be Mindful, A: Appear confident, N: be willing to Negotiate.

EXAMPLE: D: "Hey roommate, I noticed last night that all my super spicy artisan pickles are gone and since you're the only one that lives here, I have reason to believe you ate them since I did not." 

E: "I feel disappointed and hurt right now because I was really looking forward to enjoying those super spicy artisan pickles." 

A: "I would appreciate it if you would reimburse me the $20 I paid for those pickles so that I may buy another jar." 

R: "You've been a great roommate thus far and I don't think you're a bad person for doing this." 

M: [Be mindful. For example: is your roommate getting mean or trying to throw the convo off track? Are you doing the same?

A: [Appear confident. Are you unnecessarily apologizing? Are you leading the discussion with your emotion mind instead of your wise mind? A great way to avoid appearing less confident is to practice what you're going to say beforehand].

N: Your roommate might say,  "Dom, I'm sorry I ate your super spicy artisan pickles. I'm happy to pay you back for them but I can't do that until I get my paycheck on Friday. Is that cool?" Be open to accepting an option like this. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Anything that helps you ask for what you need is legit

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Dominique Haikel