What to Get Your Favorite Saddie For V-Day

 Happy Valentines Day to everyone except my greasy hair and crispy ends

Happy Valentines Day to everyone except my greasy hair and crispy ends

Self-care gift roundups can literally munch my beef sheets. If I had a pill for every list that suggests buying the mentally ill "moisturizing socks!," I'd look like the bottom of my purse. A Coconut-Colada candle isn’t going to drive me to my psychiatrist’s office, wipe my ass, or file my taxes. While objet d'Bed Bath and Beyond do appear in these suggestions, this list strives to move past bath bombs and deeper into unisex portable mobile toilet territory. You can even click on some of them to buy because I am such. A good friend.

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Emergency Love Kit - My boyfriend got me this for Xmas and I burst into tears because I was so touched. These are tiny slips of paper enclosed in 'pills' in which you, thoughtful gift giver, can write messages to your loved one. If your beeb is into sentimental choking hazards - this gift takes the cake. Click "Emergency Love Kit" to see how kewt they are. 

Self-Care Apps - In case you're my mom or older, you can give apps as gifts! Send your chicken nugget some games to mellow their anxiety or an ever-trending meditation app. 

Positive Affirmation Cards - I so badly wanted to find an ultra #curated deck to show off here but I came up with nothing. If you can get past the very Chicos-Mom art, Louise Hay (RIP) makes cards with v inspirational messages and mantras. 

Scrapbook or Photo Album - Get one and fill it up with pics and mementos of all the fun shit you two have done together. Something about having a physical book of memories to reach for is très touching and nostalgic. 

Bomb Ass PillowNone of these suggestions are sponsored, I swear. I just genuinely like or want or have paid for all of them - including my boyfriends Casper pillow. Honestly why freak over Bitcoin when you can invest in your bed?

Pre-Paid Therapy Sessions - Way better than floating a tub of bath bomb glitter that wont wash out of your leg hair. If you know the name of the therapist they see, call or email and ask if (and how) it's possible for you to pre-pay for your loved ones next session(s). If they aren't currently in therapy, you may offer to help them find one and arrange a way to pay for their first session. If you don't know who they see (and you trust that they'll spend the money on therapy but don't mind if they end up buying some Gucci mid-heel pumps instead) a solid Venmo/PayPal/bag of cash will do. 

Massage Gift Card - Alternatively, you can take your other half out for a spa day if they're having difficulty motivating themselves to do things on their own. Even more alternatively, if you live in a city where a masseuse can come to your house, schedule a massage day for the two of you. I treated my post-grad thesis depression with an in-home massage using the Soothe app. And by "in-home" I mean she came to my studio apartment because I'm a shameless princess. 

Self-Help Book - This can be a v touchy move, so I recommend gifting this to someone you KNOW won't receive it as a personal attack. I enjoy reading about my illness, and about how I can treat it. But again, not everyone longs for dark chocolate and Depression For Dummies. 

Gift Basket - Remember that unisex portable toilet I threw at you? Put it in your hand-curated self-care gift basket (only if you're realllllllly, really, butt-sniffingly close with your loved one and know they won't react negatively). Other ideas? Here's where all those neurotypical #wellness gifts come in handy. Essentially you can put anything you think they might like in the basket, but for the sake of self-care, think candles, essential oils, face wipes, masks, even a fidget cube. Adult coloring books, a water bottle, pill cases, journals - all good moves. For more ideas you can check out my emergency self-care kit lists, here, here, and hereeeee

Massager - If an actual massage appointment is too pricey,  dollar stores have awesome little massage tools you can gift instead. If you want something grand, Amazon has some serious machinery for your neck, your back, your nanner and your crack -right here. 

Meal Delivery Service - If you live in an area where services like Blue Apron are available, this is a great gift idea for someone who is having trouble getting out of the house to go grocery shopping. If your town hasn't caught up with the delivery dinner in a box thing, offer to do their grocery shopping for them for a day. Another option - meal prep for them so they don't have to worry about cooking for a few days. 

Cleaning Services - Has your darling been neglecting their surroundings? Front the bill for some cleaning help. Handy.com is a lifesaver. They even have people to who can put together your furniture. Don't have the $? Offer to help them clean their space, do their laundry, organize their office, whatever. 

Pop Up Bed Tent - I know this shit looks aggressive, but its a godsend to anyone who wants to be left the fuck alone. Bonus: turn it in a love fort with snacks, pillows, and those tiny ass string lights that are all over Pinterest.

Weighted Blanket - Rumor has it that these work wonders for anxiety and other unpleasantries. I haven't tried these yet, but at some point I'm going to need to evaluate this on Trick or Treatment. 

Heated Blanket - My friend had one of these on her bed growing up which made sleepovers at her house the utmost. Anyway, if you haven't tried it, it's like falling asleep in a float tank of melted Milky Way's and not drowning. 

Good Times Jar - Gird your loins, DIY gifters. This is just for you. Similar to the Emergency Love Kit (but free), get an old jar, some scraps of paper and a pen. Write down all the good memories/qualities/etc. about your person on these papers and put them in said jar. The goal is for them to read the notes when they're having a shit day and be like .00333% less sad afterwards. 

Happy Valentines Day! I know this holiday blows for many people but know that I <3 you and you can CERTAINLY buy any and all of these gifts for your own damn self.