New Series: Trick or Treatment?

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There is scientific proof that traditional therapy and western medicine are legit resources for the treatment of mental illness. Both have helped me become the moderate resemblance of a human I am today. I am a firm believer in these methods. However, in recent years, my western doctors have instructed me to add non-Rx supplements like Omega-3’s, and Vitamin D to my medication plan. Does that mean we should embrace the possible offerings of holistic, spiritual, or unconventional treatments? With this new series, Trick or Treatment, we will find le fuck out.

Treatment Method: Green Smoothies. This one goes out to any ill person who’s ever been told that a simple juice cleanse or a week with a Vitamix would put them on the track to eternal happiness.

How: Drink a homemade smoothie (the Glowing Green Smoothie by Juice Goddess Kimberly Snyder to be exact) for a few days and see if my mood improves.

Mood Tracker:

Wednesday Before Smoothie: Accidentally blended the sticker that comes on apples into my smoothie, which speaks to my mental state that day. Also, I was tired and had moderate anxiety but what else is new?

Wednesday After Smoothie: Made a spiritual connection with my toilet. Poop came out smoothly and quickly and didn’t even have to use my makeshift Squatty Potty (which is literally me just flipping my teak bathroom trash bin on its side and putting my feet on top of it. I’m allowed to be gross ‘cuz I’m crazy). Anyway, this miracle poo made my stomach flatter, less bloated, and I didn’t feel as weighed down by all this shit food I put in my body recently. Furthermore, I was flying the fuck around work and got like 900 things done.

Thursday Before Smoothie: As tired as a single oxen pulling eight months of spoiled meat on the Oregon Trail. And bloated. 

Thursday After Smoothie: Just a tad sleepy, but again, I pooped perfectly, and I didn’t feel gassy and bloated as per usual. Was also productive at work. Also, I added raspberries to this smoothie which I felt like I should note since I strayed from the original recipe. Unclear if that made a difference or not, but I felt like mentioning it would be more science-like.

Friday Before Smoothie: I had to throw out my romaine lettuce, the literal base in which my smoothie (and blog post) existed because apparently, E. Coli wants to shit all over my plans for mental health blog domination.

Friday After Smoothie: No smoothie. But I like to think my bipolar disorder would have been completely shat out by now. I did notice that my sugar craving was higher this day.

What the Pros Say: How do I put this? The “pros” were nowhere to be found. I mean I def could have looked harder and better (and I am CERTAIN there are countless nutritionists out there who could have answered this for me), but for the sake of getting this done in a few days, I didn’t. What I DID do is attempt to contact my two most frequented smoothie/juice brands in Los Angeles. Remember Kimberly Snyder and her Glowing Green Smoothie that I made each day? She had a store called Glow Bio, which I called and emailed, only to find out that it had closed down in November. Likewise, I went to the Juice Served Here website (the other place I like), and all that’s left of it is a letter from the CEO announcing its closure. First the tainted romaine and now this? Maybe this is a sign that speaks for itself. Green smoothies and juices never did shit. Other than making me shit. Or maybe they were just a trend. Or maybe they do do something magical to your mood over time, and I just didn’t drink them long enough. Regardless, if they work for you, that’s all that matters.

Trick or Treatment?

A tricky treatment. I don’t believe smoothies are a reason to whimsically scatter my Rx pills from the window of a moving car. However, there were some benefits.  I also don’t want to judge or dismiss anyone who has had their mood lifted because of green smoothies. I WISH that could be me. What’s more is that I did not drink smoothies for nearly enough time to determine if they caused any major life changes. What I did notice, and what I would recommend green smoothies for, would be for the epic poop sessions.  All that fiber from fruits and vegetables REALLY did what it was supposed to. I think my temporary mood boosts came from the fact that I didn’t feel overly full all the time. I didn’t feel like I was carrying around as much weight in my belly and the whole flatter stomach thing helped my confidence too. I suppose, in a roundabout way, it did boost my mood a bit. I wouldn’t attribute that occurrence to any magical smoothie elements shooting up into my brain and rearranging the chemistry up there, however.

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*DISCLAIMER: Hi! In case you couldn’t tell from my epic reporting, these aren’t real science experiments because I’m not a real scientist. I couldn’t even tell you how to convert Celcius to Fahrenheit, and like honestly who is Kelvin and why is he here? PLEASE NOTE - DO NOT perform any of the above practices without consulting a doctor FIRST. Unconventional treatment methods such as the one above have NOT been evaluated by the FDA which means they are NOT regulated. That said, unregulated alternative methods of treatment could result in serious health problems, dangerous interactions with your current medication(s) and body, unwanted side-effect, and even death. Words in these posts should NOT be used as medical advice, and any questions you may have should be directed to a medical professional.  Thank you for using your common sense you intelligent person, you!

***Here's a 2nd disclaimer you should also read since I'm paranoid. 

Special shout out to @OhJeffreyJames for coming up with this catchy name for my new series. If you need additional mental health support, inspiration, and resources, check out their Instagram @HaveYouTriedMagic -and keep an eye out for their new website!

Dominique Haikel