Therapy Thursday # 10: I Tried Anger Management So You Don't Have To (But Maybe You Should, Tbh?)
TOPIC: How to tell if you're trying to win an argument instead working through one productively. According to my anger management class, winning an argument is not the goal, and only leads to the creation of more problems.
WHEN TO USE: If you have trouble resolving arguments with loved ones or people in general. If you tend to fight dirty and use insults, underhanded comments, physical harm, and other emotionally abusive tactics. If you're often irritable or lash out at others. If you think you could benefit from anger management.
HOW TO USE (With Examples): Here's how to tell if you're trying to win:
-You point the finger at the other person: "It's your fault I'm like this!"
-You bring up blackmail-worthy information to hurt the other person: "Remember when you dated that abusive guy before me? No wonder you're abusive too."
-You bring up past history: "Well, at 3 pm on October 7th, 1982 you forgot to wash the dishes! Why are you getting mad at me for forgetting today?!"
-You use black and white statements like 'you always' or 'you never:' "You ALWAYS forget to wash the dishes!"
-You become passive aggressive: You expect your partner to read your mind. You expect them to know how you feel without your having to express it.
-You use statements like, 'you're just like [insert person or thing here!]:' "You're just like my abusive ex-boyfriends' dog!"
WHY IT'S LEGIT: Realistically it's probably going to be hard to catch yourself doing these things right away. It has been for me. If I'm arguing with my significant other, for example, I like to have him catch me mid-fight when I accidentally pull one of those moves above. It's annoying but it helps me wake up and realize that I'm just trying to win and be mean.
ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my