Therapy Thursday # 12: Valentine's Day Edition

 Some Valentines Day flowers from my darling Pops. If no one gave you flowers that day it's okay. We can share mine. xo

Some Valentines Day flowers from my darling Pops. If no one gave you flowers that day it's okay. We can share mine. xo

TOPIC: The Five Love Languages 

WHEN TO USE: If you're not great at communicating with your significant other. If they're not great at communicating with you. If you and/or your partner feel undervalued in the relationship even though the other party feels they are doing all that they can to show you their love. If you just want to know what the fuck your love language is, Dominique, GOD GET ON WITH IT. 

HOW TO USE (With Examples): Below are the 5 love languages as told by Gary Chapman, the author of the book with the same name. That last sentence was incredibly unclear. The book is called The Five Love Languages. The book is not called Gary Chapman. Onward. Each love language has an example of what that specific person might understand and recieve as a show of your love. If you don't want to get the book (it's corny as hell but its main ideas are useful a mon avis), you can take the quiz to find out your love language right HERE. REMEMBER: Below are simply VERY general examples of how someone with each love language MAY feel or MAY want to hear. Every person is different and the examples I provide below are not reflective of what everyone with that particular love language may want to hear/experience/feel/have/etc. In other words, always ask your partner what their needs are first. 

1. Words of Affirmation: "I'm the kind of person who wants to hear something along the spectrum of 'I need you, I want you, oh baby, oh baby.' I also appreciate general encouragement, and reassurance when I'm feeling insecure or uncertain. I like to hear that you love me and are here for me -on repeat. Compliments are often appreciated. I'm also a big fan of cards and letters, because, words." 

2. Acts of Service:  "I would find more joy in you cleaning my toilet than surprising me with a custom G-Wagon lined with the skins of a thousand Birkins. Maybe." 

3. Receiving Gifts: "Procure a signed, engraved, leather-bound script from the unreleased Sex and The City 3 or just come home with some Jollibee -really, who's counting? Also, I may like heartfelt cards, handmade goods, experiences paid-in-full (a soundbath session at the Integratron?! You shouldn't have!), etc. Pay attention to and note my interests, my Amazon wish-list, subtle hints, etc. And of course, ASK me what kinds of gifts I like receiving the most."

4. Quality Time: "Invest in me like I'm your stock portfolio. Date me, text me, call me, fax me. If it's printed on a candy heart, I'm probably okay with it. Even if it's just us sitting in on your couch, get to know me on that damn couch. Clear your schedule and make some time just for me. Introduce me to your Alexa. The more top-notch time we spend together, the more I am going to feel loved and appreciated."

5. Physical Touch: "You have my permission to put your hand in the back pocket of my jeans as we stroll the Fixer Upper collection at Target." 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Because sometimes even though your partner thinks they are doing all they can to show you their love for you, the receiving party can't always see it. Once you learn your love languages, you'll each be able to see that while a back massage isn't worth shit to you, it's a massive shit to your bew. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my Instagram. 

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